Are You A Man Who Can't Ejaculate During Sex?
Or Maybe Your Husband Or Boyfriend Can't Ejaculate During Sex?
When a man can't come during sex -
especially when he can't reach orgasm during sexual intercourse - the effect on
both partners can be damaging.
When a man can't ejaculate during sex with his partner (or finds it very difficult to reach orgasm with his partner), despite wanting to achieve both orgasm and ejaculation, and having enough sexual stimulation and a firm erection, he's said to have delayed ejaculation.
Don't despair! We have the answers.
Many men and their partners think they are alone with this problem, but the truth is it's surprisingly common - about one man in ten has the problem at any one time. The great news is that there are some simple and easy techniques which will help your husband or boyfriend to ejaculate during sex - and he can use them in the privacy of your own home!
To get over this problem and have normal sex,
Effects On A Couple & Their Relationship
In general, boyfriends who have delayed ejaculation can ejaculate without difficulty when masturbating alone but find it difficult to ejaculate (also known as "come" or "cum") during sex with their partners. Most men who have this problem find it frustrating, and feel anxious and unmasculine in bed. Their partners tend to feel deprived of sexual pleasure, anxious, distressed, and frustrated if they wish to conceive. And it's often a problem which lasts for years, if not decades, and a couple may only seek treatment when tension in the relationship has got to such a point that there is serious emotional distress or danger of breaking up.
And, as you can see if you read the forum posts, such as these, this is not a small problem - loads of women want solutions for their men. And there seems to be a lot of reluctance on the part of men themselves to seek help. That is always true for men, especially around such things as yeast infection. Seeking treatment for yeast infection in men is always a good idea since the infection may be passed back and forth between a man and his partner.
Not much research has been done on delayed ejaculation; so no-one really knows how many men are affected by not being able to ejaculate during sex, or how many men can't orgasm during sex, nor how effective treatment actually is. Except, perhaps, me....because I have counseled many men over the years, and I have found that with the right approach, and dedication on the part of the husband or boyfriend concerned - and his partner - the success rate of treatment can be very high.
Most people can't understand a man not being able to come, and so delayed ejaculation is a mystery to most people. After all, we expect men to ejaculate easily - perhaps even to ejaculate prematurely in many cases, especially if a couple wish to conceive.
I believe that neurobiological and psychological factors are involved in causing delayed ejaculation, but the actual mechanism remains unclear. However, don't despair! Delayed ejaculation can still be treated effectively, and if you're the wife or girlfriend of a man who experiences delayed ejaculation, I can certainly help him and you!
What causes delayed ejaculation?
Just why can't your boyfriend reach orgasm and ejaculate during sex?
Retarded ejaculation is widely thought of as being analogous to anorgasmia (lack of orgasm) in women. But in fact I believe it is a completely different condition. Most men who can't reach climax during sex have sexual desire and can easily get an erection, but they simply cannot orgasm during intercourse, or they can only do so after great effort.
In the past, the psychodynamic theories of delayed ejaculation suggested it was caused by fear of loss of control, hostility and anger, or too much reliance on fantasy during sex to get aroused. Another group of experts suggest that the problem is caused by a man learning to masturbate in a particular way which cripples his ability to reach orgasm through normal stimulation such as manual masturbation or sexual intercourse - the theory is that he just does not get enough stimulation from these techniques to reach orgasm.
One man who has studied this condition, Bernard Apfelbaum, suggests that not being able to come during sex involves a low level of arousal - in other words, he believes that if your husband or partner thrusts for hours during sex without reaching an orgasm and ejaculating, he is simply not sexually aroused, even though he has an erection. Apfelbaum thinks of this man as being a "sexual workhorse" who is trying too hard to please his partner and yet is neither sexually aroused not getting much pleasure from sex with his wife or girlfriend.
Treatment of delayed ejaculation takes many forms, including the exploration of a man's childhood experiences and beliefs around sex and sexuality. Often men who have problems in this area have issues from childhood - issues such as sexual abuse, shame, poor personal boundaries due to inappropriate parental behavior (sexual or otherwise), and these problems have left the men with trust issues or a compulsion to "serve" their partner sexually. It's often said that these men are very giving during sex, but ironically the one thing they do not give to their partner is their semen - which in fact means that they are withholding their sexual pleasure. The implication of this is that a man doesn't know how to let go (or can't let go) and enjoy sex to the full by ejaculating inside his partner.
One helpful treatment approach is a series of behavioral exercises which will involve your boyfriend ejaculating first while you are some distance away, then with you a bit nearer, and then nearer and nearer, until you are stimulating him, and lastly when your partner and you are finally ready to enjoy intercourse. One part of the system is to educate the man in some simple facts: for example, having an erection does not, in itself, mean that a man is ready for intercourse; also, he must learn how to communicate his sexual desires and feelings to his partner.
As you might expect, any approach to treatment for the inability to ejaculate during sex is most successful when it involves both the man and his partner, co-operating in a flexible treatment approach, communicating clearly, and dealing with any relationship issues which come up. The man (and his partner where appropriate) must take responsibility for dealing with any underlying conflicts, understanding any fear he has around sex, and resolving destructive relationship interactions that might be reinforcing his problem.
There aren't - at least at the moment - any drugs which will help a man to ejaculate. This means that the qualities which man and his partner seeking to deal with this problem need to call upon include patience, mutual support, and dedication.