Unable To Ejaculate
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Our Treatment Program For Men Who Are Unable To Ejaculate Can be Found HERESex therapy for delayed ejaculation (when you're unable to ejaculate during sex)An email: Hello. I have subscribed to your service because I am unable to ejaculate when my wife and I make love.A little bit about my history with this problem might help you understand and help me better. I am 36 years old and have been married a little over 3 years. I was a virgin when I was married and have never achieved orgasm and have always been unable to ejaculate inside my wife without masturbating myself to do so and then release inside of her. I was raised with a "religious moral" mindset and my family almost never talked about sex and when they did it was negative, as in "you are too young to know about that", "it's wrong (until you're married)", "it's something we don't talk about". So my earliest memories of sex after being told what it was by an older brother were that it was bad and that I shouldn't even know about it - but I did! I had an early fascination with masturbation (pre-puberty) and self exploration which may or may not be "normal" - I masturbated often as a teenager, however, I never was able to achieve an orgasm (except in occasional wet dreams) and I was unable to ejaculate until I was 23 years old during masturbation. Early sex fantasies during teen years were heterosexual yet I also felt drawn toward the masculine, mostly because I never had strong male friendships and was not good at sports and I envied other guys of a certain stereotype of the masculine. I dated in high school and college, yet never got very physically intimate until my sophomore year of college and even then it was mild petting, heavy kissing and thrusting while completely clothed. I was still unable to ejaculate during this "dry humping". I viewed pornography in the form of Penthouse my senior year of high school which was really and truly my first exposure to what sex is supposedly all about. During the time I used sex porn, I realized the addictive potential of this and gave it up, but the sexual fantasies I read stayed in my mind and I began writing my own sex fantasies to masturbate to. I was also exposed to bisexual stories in the magazines that turned me on and incorporated these into my fantasies. My final year of college I began viewing pornography again, first soft-core magazines and soon hard-core porn with a strong element of gay and bisexual porn. I remained heavily addicted to porn for about five years. This was the period that I had my first orgasm while using porn. After being able to ejaculate for the first time, and enjoying my first orgasm I have not had trouble coming when masturbating myself; however, from talking with other guys it seems it seems I am unable to ejaculate as quickly as most other guys, usually a minimum of five minutes of masturbation. [Editor's note: this is not by any means an unusual length of time for masturbation to ejaculation.] I often used to prolong the experience because when I ejaculated I would have such feelings of let down and guilt over the porn and the sexual fantasies that I wanted to stay on the high, on the edge of orgasm. In this way I was psychologically unable to reach orgasm and ejaculate, because I would stop when I knew I was close to coming, then relax, and then start again, yet of course I always came eventually. Sometimes I have been able to masturbate for just the pleasure of it, or to a more "real-life" fantasy that didn't leave me feeling so dejected but left me feeling ok. Meaning much of what I have fantasized about I know that I would not want to happen in real life for it was not based in meaningful relationship but only lust. I have always known this would not make me happy or be a good thing and so remained a virgin, but still escaped to these types of fantasies for sexual release. The release from porn addiction was slow with relapses but I have not viewed porn in over 3 years. A few years prior to meeting my wife as I was slowly gaining victory over my porn addiction I began changing my mind and my attitudes about sex. I can't entirely explain it except to say that I believe that I was being prepared for marriage and began to see sex as something good and not something "bad" or "dirty". I began to change my view of thinking of sex as a curse to thinking of sex as a gift and i started to look forward to experiencing it with the right person in reality not fantasy. When I married I did not expect to be unable to ejaculate, or to have the difficulty with ejaculating during sex that I am now having. My wife is a very sexual woman and I love her deeply. She also was a virgin when we were married and so we have learned together. She has been very supportive of my delayed ejaculation, and loving toward me through this in ways I never could have imagined. I do not have problems being sexually aroused by her although I am more aroused by physical touch than visual. I do find her body attractive and sexy and enjoy sexual intercourse with her despite the fact that I have not achieved orgasm inside her the natural way. It has been better at times than other times. Sometimes I feel more stimulation than other times. A number of times it has been very intense to the point that orgasm felt inevitable yet I was still completely unable to reach a normal ejaculation. Sex sometimes ended with me being exhausted and unable to take the pleasurable sensations on my penis any longer. Usually it feels very good but not quite to that level. And sometimes I don't feel very much arousal at all. I have gone through counseling on my own, although it was not a sex therapist. We have had a few counseling sessions with a sex therapist together, although didn't feel that he was very helpful. He did not have specific exercises for us to try as your method describes which is what we were hoping. I also saw a urologist shortly after we were married, but he didn't find anything, although he really was not helpful at all and I am still not entirely sure that it is not some type of physical problem, given the length of time that it usually takes me to masturbate myself to ejaculation. Is it possible require a higher degree of sexual stimulation than most men? Or only what I became accustomed to from masturbation? I think it can also be subconscious mindset and things from my past such as the porn; however, I have taken great strides and believe that my views on sex have drastically altered. I love my wife and we want to be one together with me overcoming my being unable to ejaculate inside her. We do have a two year old as a result of masturbating and me releasing my semen inside her. She has been able to masturbate me to orgasm although this takes a very long time and usually results in frustration for both of us. So when we have intercourse I either masturbate myself to orgasm or don't have one. I have pretty much given up masturbating on my own apart from being together with my wife, thinking that it will help to solely focus on her when I do it. Occasionally I will still masturbate and occasionally slip into old sexual fantasies, maybe a couple times a year. Usually when I have masturbated I focus on my own body, I like to watch myself, etc. So now when I am with her I masturbate focusing on her and her body and being with her and the desire I have to ejaculate inside her. She has been very supportive as I have mentioned, but it is having an effect on both of us after three years. Other aspects of our marriage are fine and we get along great and are best friends. Sometimes we are able to enjoy lovemaking for what it is without me having an orgasm and other times we are left frustrated from trying. She is often able to achieve orgasm from my thrusting in her vagina which is pleasurable for both of us. I have always felt very free being naked with her without any degree of shame whatsoever. I love being naked with her and holding her close since we have been married and even before - we did see each other naked and experiment without having full sexual intercourse prior to being married. We are both healthy and in decent shape, not overweight or any other physical concerns or limitations. My wife and I have tried the method on the website. I will admit that we have not been completely consistent and disciplined about setting time to do it, however, we have gone through each step and I am not sure whether we need to start over or how specifically we should proceed from here. We spent several weeks on stage 1 being naked without genital contact or intercourse, doing the breathing and relaxing exercises, etc. We probably did this exercise 4 or 5 times over a 2 week period without any other form of sexual intimacy. After this we progressed to stage 2 maintaining the "no intercourse" rule. We probably had 3 encounters in stage 2 over a week or two and then progressed to stage 3 although we did not stick to the no thrusting and no movement aspect, except for initially I entered her a few times this way without thrusting or moving for a minute or so, but resumed thrusting thereafter. I am not sure exactly how long each stage should last and how to progress, again, do we need to start over entirely or focus on certain aspects of the steps? I will say that after having no intercourse and no genital touching it did heighten the sensation when we resumed genital stimulation the first time, however since then it seems things have gone back to the way they have been. So that is my story. Any advice that you have on utilizing the methods you described for our situation would be greatly appreciated! Thank you [ Delayed ejaculation - retarded ejaculation - how to ejaculate during sex ]
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