Treatment For Delayed Ejaculation |
||
Treatment for delayed ejaculation (retarded ejaculation)To treat delayed ejaculation, one has to know how it starts! In fact there are several theories, though few of them have much evidence to support them. The body of evidence that has emerged from clinical practice, however, is sufficiently instructive to give us some idea about what may be going on in delayed ejaculation. For one thing, we can look at all the men who seek treatment and see what characteristics they have in common. To find out more about the treatment for delayed ejaculation, follow this link. These, then, are the personality and emotional features that men with delayed ejaculation tend to show. Many men with delayed ejaculation seem to have a lack of self-awareness, and a tendency to externalize their feelings. Their connection with their own sexuality is weak, and they may find the prospect of looking at feelings to be an unattractive one. There are often obvious connections between a man's historical life events and the current sexual problems that he faces, although he may refuse to acknowledge those connections. Men often think that there must be a physical cause for their delayed ejaculation because this is easier to cope with than the sense that the delayed ejaculation may originate in emotional or psychological issues. They also frequently have experienced disappointing sex or have a limited experience of sex. Often men with delayed ejaculation have been brought up in an environment which cut them off from their feelings and acted to harden them psychologically and emotionally, a process which has been described as one of toughening up and battling against physical or mental weakness. They have often not had complete or adequate opportunity at puberty to develop strong male characteristics. On a more general level, sexual excitement or sexual activity makes us all see the world in a very different way from the way we see it normally. Most men and women have a sexual life which is clearly defined and separate from everyday life. Most of us can slip between the two with a greater or lesser degree of ease - erotic thoughts can intrude on everyday tasks, for example, or we can be distracted during sex by thoughts of everyday activities. But we move between the two without much difficulty. However, for some men with delayed ejaculation, moving between the everyday world and the erotic world can be challenging - the erotic world may be seen or felt as dangerous. What this approach to thinking of people's internal life reveals is that many men with delayed ejaculation wish to avoid entering their erotic world. In many cases they may not even be able to enter an erotic world, having no concept of such a thing in their minds.....if they wish to be erotic, they create an environment which seems erotic, but does not come from their internal sexual process. There is, in essence, no arousal. Men with delayed ejaculation may also have negative associations of male sexuality with violence and abuse. This also dampens down their sexual response. The power and vitality of their sexual life is weakened and their internal erotic world is unable to provide them with the arousal needed for successful sex. Because aggression is a fundamental part of human sexuality, men who are turned off by aggression or violence will split their aggressive impulses from their sexual ones, and that further weakens their sexual desire and arousal. However, an autoerotic occupation with fantasy and porn may be arousing enough to produce an orgasm during masturbation. The consequence of all this is that men with delayed ejaculation may not be able to function sexually with ease: they may not, for example, be able to ask for what they want sexually; they may not even know what they want sexually. They may not be accustomed to becoming aroused through the touch of a loved one, or they may not know how to get aroused by erotic stimulation. Because sex becomes mechanical and lacks real connection, they may develop behaviors which are essentially designed to avoid sex, including erectile dysfunction. Psychological Origins For Delayed EjaculationOne of the most significant thinkers in the world of sexual therapy, Helen Singer Kaplan, suggested that delayed ejaculation was like constipation or blocked urination, in that these were things normally under automatic control, but they could be blocked by psychological conflicts and emotional problems. Kaplan believed these emotional blocks were subtly different in each case, and so did not say exactly what she believed these emotional blocks were, or might be, but described them as a general process of holding "back". She spoke of these emotional blocks in a way that implied they could equally be manifested as erectile dysfunction, say, so that in effect any sexual dysfunction (delayed ejaculation and erectile dysfunction alike) could be caused by emotional inhibitions - often anxiety, for the over-control that is represented by delayed ejaculation could be seen as an attempt to keep anxiety at bay. Other authors have focused on more specific reasons why men might suffer from delayed ejaculation: the fear of pregnancy, perhaps, or the fear accumulated by previous traumas incurred during sex, or even fear of sexually transmitted diseases. Equally, there is the possibility that delayed ejaculation is based upon a man not receiving enough sexual stimulation, either because the inputs are not strong enough or because his own internal arousal mechanism is not working (though this may come down to the same thing as the theory outlined by Kaplan). Other theories of the origin of delayed ejaculation include the fear that a man will not get his sexual wishes or needs met, fear of getting caught in sexual activity (clearly a regressive fear, not related to the present, which hints at punishment during childhood for sexual activity), or simply not learning adequately how to enjoy sex. In general, most theories designed to explain delayed ejaculation are based upon the idea that deep-seated conflicts or emotional problems are behind the condition. If you take this view, then it becomes obvious that the only common factor that these ideas have in common is that a man does not wish to ejaculate - or fears ejaculating - inside the vagina. What would cause such a situation? Well, the possibilities are endless - for example: A man may not have gone through all the stages necessary for his sexual development to completely shift into that of a mature, sexually functioning adult, so he may still be tied up at some level in childhood fears related to the Oedipus complex. He may fear being absorbed by the vagina or more accurately the woman behind it - clearly a psychodynamic fear from childhood related to being absorbed into the being or body of the mother. There may be a connection between orgasm and fear of death - in the sense that orgasm represents a small loss of self, and by implication a loss of control and a potential to merge into the other. He may fear his own sexuality and the power of his masculinity as symbolized by his penis. Delayed ejaculation would withhold the most obvious symbol of the power of the penis - that of creating new life. He may fear letting go and ejaculating during orgasm, because of embarrassment about the whole sexual process, or fear about revealing himself at this vulnerable point to his partner, or the fact that he believes the loss of control at orgasm demonstrates that he is not in control in the way a man should be. Some experts believe that delayed ejaculation represents a feeling of hostility and anger towards women, and that in some sense the withholding of ejaculation is passive-aggressive act. Such feelings may be hidden behind an apparently gentle and caring approach towards women. It may be that some men who have trouble ejaculating are not getting enough sexual stimulation because their sexual arousal mechanism is fixated on certain extreme paraphilic symbols...in other words, they need to fulfill a fetish to be aroused enough to ejaculate. Normal sex won't do it for them! (Though they do get an erection, their ejaculation is withheld.) Obviously much of this work is highly speculative, and it's hard to think of any experiments which would or even could confirm these theories. But experience in a clinical setting with men who have delayed ejaculation suggests there may be some truth in the ideas. And last but not least, high-friction masturbation combined with what are euphemistically called "idiosyncratic" masturbatory techniques can certainly inhibit ejaculation. A man may easily condition himself only to ejaculate in response to a particular type of stimulation, usually of a very vigorous nature. The end result is a completely self-conditioned sexual dysfunction, a completely delayed sexual response. [
Treatment of delayed ejaculation; the way to cure retarded ejaculation
] Delayed ejaculation treatment (2) |
|
|
