Delayed Ejaculation: How To Reach Orgasm And Ejaculate During Sex |
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Delayed Ejaculation: I can't come during sex!As one woman emailed: When my boyfriend and I are having sex, it takes him ages to come. In fact, although we have sex every day, he will only reach orgasm once in those three days, and even then it takes him a long time to come. Is this normal, and even if he says he's enjoying it, can I really believe him? I want sex to end in pleasure for us both, and I always thought that meant that he needed to ejaculate inside me when we have sex, but he can't come in my vagina now.....at least not without thrusting for so long that I start to get sore. What can we do about this? And is he really enjoying sex?To go straight to the treatment method for male anorgasmia (retarded ejaculation), follow this link. This is probably what's known as delayed orgasm or delayed ejaculation, or alternatively retarded ejaculation or anorgasmia. This is reputed to occur in about one man in ten at any one time, and can cause both a man and his partner a lot of anxiety and stress. Even though it has been claimed that talking is the best cure, you may both need to engage in a series of exercises which help you to relax and accept what is happening, then allow you to work together on his delayed ejaculation. If he's as stressed as you are by this, it may come as a great relief to him when you suggest a discussion. Although men don't often spontaneously talk about their feelings, when they are given the chance, they very often find that it is a great relief to be able to do so. In this case there are several issues to work through - first off, is he actually ejaculating normally? If his semen is moving back into his bladder it is called a retrograde ejaculation, and it is different to real delayed ejaculation. Unfortunately, delayed or retarded ejaculation can test a relationship by bringing up issues that both partners would prefer to leave hidden. For one thing, retarded ejaculation may mean that a man is distrustful, resentful, or angry with his partner (or, worse, women in general). The inability to allow an ejaculation to happen may indicate a fear of losing control, or revealing another emotional issue. Essentially, holding on feels safer than allowing oneself to fall into the void of orgasm, a time when you inevitably lose some of your personal boundaries and become merged, to however slight a degree, with your sexual partner. In essence, the question is whether a man wishes to feel the level of intimacy and closeness that an ejaculation inside a woman's body can provide, or whether he feels safer maintaining a distance, physically and emotionally, which is further away than the sheer intimacy of ejaculation in the vagina would provide. Furthermore, many women do not appreciate long periods of vaginal thrusting. They may feel inadequate if their man does not come, and they may lose some self-esteem, as feelings of sexual inadequacy begin to develop. The best way for a woman to deal with this is to grasp the idea that this is not actually about her; it is all about the man's capacity to share sexual intimacy and closeness without feeling threatened. A sense of shared time, physical proximity and closeness before sex (penetration) starts may help here: and clear open communication is essential - he needs to know that thrusting which goes on for too long can be painful, irritating and unfulfilling. If he simply can't come in any other way, you may need to take breaks and be creative about sex. If sexual counseling or therapy is required, see The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and The American Board of Sexology.
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Treatment of delayed ejaculation; the way to cure retarded ejaculation
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