Delayed Ejaculation - Causes and Cures

Treatment of Delayed Ejaculation (Retarded Ejaculation)

A simple definition of delayed ejaculation is that a man finds it difficult or impossible to ejaculate during sex with a partner, despite wanting to achieve both orgasm and ejaculation, having enough sexual stimulation and a firm erection. In general, a man can ejaculate without difficulty when he is alone but finds it difficult to come with his partner during sex. Most men who have this problem do not generally find it to be a pleasant experience, and end up feeling frustrated, anxious, and incompetent in bed. Their partners tend to feel deprived of sexual pleasure, anxious, distressed, and frustrated if they wish to conceive. And it's often a problem which lasts for years, if not decades, and a couple may only seek treatment when tension in the relationship has got to such a point that there is serious emotional distress or danger of breaking up.

To go straight to the treatment method for delayed ejaculation, follow this link.

Delayed ejaculation is often thought of as a difficult condition to treat, though in fact this is only because there is so little research on the condition. In fact no-one really knows how many men are affected by delayed ejaculation, nor how effective treatment actually is. Except, perhaps, us....we have counseled many men over the years and we have found that with the right approach, and dedication on the part of the man concerned - and his partner - the success rate of treatment can be very high.

The problem is regarded as the least important sexual problem for men, and yet it causes a lot more distress than premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction - especially if a couple wish to conceive. We believe that neurobiological and psychological factors are involved in causing delayed ejaculation, but the actual mechanism that lies behind it remains unclear. However, we should not allow this to cause us despair -  the condition can still be treated effectively, and if you are one of the men who who experiences delayed ejaculation, we can certainly help you!

What causes delayed ejaculation - also called retarded ejaculation?
Just why can't you reach orgasm and ejaculate during sex?

Retarded ejaculation or delayed ejaculation is widely thought of as being related to the same condition in women. But in fact we believe it is a completely different condition. Most men who can't come during sex have sexual desire and can easily get an erection, but they simply cannot orgasm during intercourse, or they can only do so after great effort.

In the past, the psychodynamic theories of delayed ejaculation suggested it was caused by fear of loss of control, hostility and anger, or too much reliance on fantasy during sex to get aroused. Another group of experts suggest that the problem is caused by a man learning to masturbate in a particular way which cripples his ability to reach orgasm through normal stimulation such as manual masturbation or sexual intercourse - the theory is that he just does not get enough stimulation from these techniques to reach orgasm.

One man who has studied this condition, Bernard Apfelbaum, suggests that delayed ejaculation involves a low level of arousal - in other words, that the man who thrusts for hours during sex without reaching an orgasm and ejaculation is simply not sexually aroused, even though he has an erection. Apfelbaum thinks of this man as a "sexual workhorse" who is trying too hard to please his partner and yet is neither sexually aroused not getting much pleasure from sex with his partner.

Treatment of delayed ejaculation, designed to help a man "learn" how to ejaculate during sex, takes many forms, including the exploration of a man's childhood  experiences and beliefs around sex and sexuality. Often men who have problems in this area have issues from childhood - issues such as sexual abuse, shame, poor personal boundaries due to inappropriate parental behavior (sexual or otherwise), and these problems have left the men with trust issues or a compulsion to "serve"  their partner sexually. It's often said that these men are very giving during sex, but ironically the one thing they do not give to their partner  is their semen - which in fact means that they are withholding their sexual pleasure. The implication of this is that a man doesn't know how to let go (or can't let go) and enjoy sex to the full.

One helpful treatment approach is a series of behavioral exercises which involve the man ejaculating first in the presence of his partner, and then gradually nearer and nearer, then having the man's partner stimulating him, until the couple are finally ready to enjoy intercourse. One part of the system is to educate the man in some simple facts: for example, having an erection does not, in itself, mean that a man is ready for intercourse, and that he must learn how to communicate his sexual desires and feelings to his partner. As you might expect, any approach to treatment is most successful when it involves both the man and his partner, co-operating in a flexible treatment approach, communicating clearly, and dealing with any relationship issues which come up. The man (and his partner where appropriate) must take responsibility for dealing with any underlying conflicts, understanding any fear he has around sex, and resolving destructive relationship interactions that might be reinforcing his problem.

There aren't - at least at the moment - any drugs which will help a man to ejaculate. This means that the qualities which man and his partner seeking to deal with this problem need to call upon include patience, mutual support, and dedication.

[ Treatment of delayed ejaculation; the way to cure retarded ejaculation ][ Introduction to delayed ejaculation (retarded ejaculation) ] [ What is retarded ejaculation? Why you can't ejaculate during sex ] [ Treatment of delayed ejaculation - you can't come during sex ] [ Causes and effects of delayed ejaculation - retarded ejaculation ] [ Delayed ejaculation and your relationship ] [ Medical view of delayed ejaculation / retarded ejaculation ] [ Symptoms of delayed ejaculation ] [ Dealing with male anorgasmia (2) ] [ Treating male orgasmic disorder (retarded ejaculation) ] [ Treatment methods for retarded ejaculation - delayed ejaculation (4) ] [ Case study of delayed ejaculation - a couple with retarded ejaculation ] [ A case history - male anorgasmia - delayed ejaculation ] [ Case history of delayed ejaculation ] [ Sexual therapy for delayed ejaculation ] [ Retarded ejaculation treatment (1) ] [ Retarded ejaculation treatment (2) ] [ Retarded ejaculation treatment ]

Delayed ejaculation treatment (2)

Treating delayed ejaculation and retarded ejaculation (3)

Treatment methods for delayed ejaculation (4)