Delayed Ejaculation (Retarded Ejaculation) |
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Methods of treating delayed ejaculation (also known as male anorgasmia - male orgasmic disorder - and retarded ejaculation)Keeping your erection during sex for an excessive length of time can be very unsettling; if you thrust in your partner's vagina for extended periods of time without ejaculating, it can be quite disturbing; and even if the goal of ejaculation is eventually achieved, the whole process is unsatisfactory for both partners. An inability to time ejaculation to ensure both partners' pleasure, and a wife's inability to help speed things up, can put a strain on even the best relationship. Fortunately there are treatment methods for retarded ejaculation which work, and in upwards of 80% of men, treatment (which involves reducing anxiety, having a clear focus on what you wish to achieve, and learning new sexual techniques on how to control the timing of ejaculation) is highly successful. But what exactly is male orgasmic disorder or delayed orgasm, or any of those other names at the top of the page? Basically retarded ejaculation is a condition in which a man is unable to ejaculate into his partner’s vagina during intercourse. In most of the cases which I have treated, the sufferer can actually achieve orgasm during masturbation - but not during sexual intercourse. Like other sexual dysfunctions, it can be either lifelong or acquired and is either generalized (i.e. it occurs with all partners) or situational (i.e. it occurs with just one partner). The lifelong form of retarded ejaculation is rather less common than the acquired-later-in-life type; both are usually the result of emotional or psychological issues like a very strict religious background, resentment against women, poor childhood boundaries, sexual shame imposed during childhood, a lack of trust, or a high need to be in control. The treatment usually adopted is to gradually desensitize the man with delayed ejaculation to the factors that keep him from experiencing ejaculation - and this is actually easy enough to do. Treatment for delayed ejaculation What is retarded or delayed ejaculation? When a man has difficulty ejaculating during sex (and sometimes during masturbation) he may be experiencing retarded ejaculation; men with this issue may have long-lasting erections and be sexually aroused, and they may enjoy sex, but reaching orgasm can take for ever (well, at least 45 minutes to an hour). Retarded ejaculation - an old fashioned term, now generally replaced by the expression "delayed ejaculation" - can be a very distressing condition. Men who cannot come during sex may feel embarrassed, resentful, angry, isolated, confused and very frustrated. Sex becomes a chore rather than a pleasure, and a man's partner may well blame herself and feel inadequate - unfortunately, this can place even more pressure on the man with delayed ejaculation. This compounds the issues even more. Possible emotional / psychological issues behind the problem include the following personality traits: perfectionism, over control, anxiety about sexuality or low sexual self-confidence, fears and conflicts about sex, distraction, lack of connection with sex, one's body or one's partner, disassociating during sex, worry or unhappiness. Information from the BBC sexual health website Delayed ejaculation is often approached by helping a man to reduce his anxiety and showing him how to control the timing of his ejaculation. This may involve sensate focus exercises, which are described in great detail on this website. By the way, delayed ejaculation is often caused by side effects from various medications, the most common being antidepressant medications such as the SSRIs. Encyclopedia Of Male Sexual Problems Basic things you can try at home! Try the treatment method outlined on this website. Although what follows is only an outline summary of how you can deal with retarded ejaculation, it will give you a brief flavor of how to approach the problem. First of all, reduce the frequency with which you have sex. Try Sensate-Focus Exercises. When you do get round to sex, lengthen the time intervals between sex, especially if you find that the length of time for which you can go before ejaculation is beginning to lengthen. Withhold penetration until the moment when ejaculation is inevitable - you can probably get better control by having your partner on top, astride you. When you sense that ejaculation is near, switch into the missionary position. Sensate focus exercises, developed by famous sexologists Masters and Johnson some years ago, work well and may prove to be all that you need to solve the problem. Sensate focus exercises take you through a series of levels of sexual exposure by helping you to stop focusing on orgasm and showing you how to focus more on the sensory / sensual / sexual pleasures of the moment (that's what "Sensate Focus" means, of course). In brief, you progress from level one (where you keep your clothes on), through more advanced touching and communication, to enjoying having your penis inside your partner without moving, and finally progressing right through to full-on thrusting. You move one step at a time in this therapy, which is often used to treat sexual problems such as anorgasmia, sexual desire disorder, and erection problems. In other words, it can help both men and women who have difficulty in getting sexually aroused and reaching orgasm. It works by reducing anxiety about sex and orgasm through placing attention on what feels good to you and your partner. The reason it works is that men with delayed ejaculation often think that the goal of sex is orgasm, while in fact it is sensual pleasure. If you focus on the attainment of orgasm, then you lose sight of your physical arousal and your sensual pleasure, and you may also find that you get anxious - and when you are anxious, you miss out on the joy of sex and physical contact, so that you lose out on the pleasure of being with your partner and taking your time to enjoy exploring many parts of your partner’s body. Even more on sensate focus as an approach to dealing with delayed ejaculation Sensate Focus Exercises The majority of sexual therapists ask their clients to practice sensate-focus exercises as they deal with delayed ejaculation. To start with, you and your partner refrain from sexual intercourse and orgasm. You move through four levels of exercises, which are as follows: Level I, where each partner touches the other’s body except for genitals and breasts. This allows each partner to learn about the other's body. The one who is being touched remains silent except when there are any feelings of discomfort. During Level II, the touch of one partner for the other is designed to bring pleasure but still avoids the genitals and breasts, so the one who is being touched tells their partner what feels good and how the touch should be applied for best effect. When you move to Level III, the genitals and breasts are included with the rest of the body, though you still avoid intercourse and orgasm. Finally, at Level IV, the exercises involves mutual touching but once again with no intercourse and orgasm. After this you go through a series of exercises which depend on exactly what you are trying to achieve. This treatment for male orgasmic disorder is described in detail here. Many men with male orgasmic disorder have a habit of thinking about the problems they have had reaching orgasm in the past during sex with a partner. Such mental activity will always slow down a man's arousal and keep him below the level of arousal at which his orgasm is likely to occur. The way to avoid this is to keep thinking of things that arouse you - perhaps something to do with your partner's body, or some aspect of sex that you're enjoying. It's surprising what you find arousing when you try different things during sex - and that involves some degree of exploration of what you're doing, of the sex you're taking part in, of being fully present in the moment with your partner. For example, try masturbating your partner in the way that you or they find most exciting; if you don't know what that is, get your partner to teach you what they like. And remember to focus on whether or not you are thinking too much about giving your partner pleasure, rather than focusing on the sexual experience as a whole and what it can do for you. Remember also that sexual intercourse often takes place too soon when a couple have sex: so extend foreplay, stop clock-watching, remember that sex can take just as long as you like, and also consider how you feel during sex: are you angry, anxious, fearful, depressed, resentful.....whatever emotion you feel, it can teach you something about sex. For example, are you made anxious by the closeness of sex, the sheer intimacy of it, and do you seek to keep your partner at a distance by engaging in formal physical processes which are designed to overcome your anxiety? The emotional aspect of sex. These exercises are the ones used by professional sex therapists to assist people in getting the most from their sex lives.....whether they are used on your own or with a partner. Sexual health exercises from the BBC website. Should you decide to see a sexual health therapist, this website may be helpful to you: all about sexual problems, therapies and counseling, and a brief history of sex therapy in America -History of sexual therapy and principles of sexual therapy - Principles of sex therapy. For Your Women - how to cope with your partner's inability to reach orgasm and ejaculate during sexual intercourseDelayed ejaculation implies that your partner's sexual desire (which you may know as his libido) and erections are quite normal, while he has difficulty reaching orgasm and ejaculation (i.e. the point at which his semen spurts out when he is inside your vagina). There’s nothing physically wrong with the majority of men who have ejaculation difficulties (also called delayed ejaculation or retarded ejaculation, and also known as male orgasmic disorder). However, men who cannot ejaculate inside a woman's vagina probably have a problem that stems from both emotional and physical issues. One way to deal with this is to increase the level of eroticism during foreplay - to make the sexual experience much more arousing, because many men who have orgasmic disorder are simply not aroused enough and need much more stimulation during sex. This may relate back to masturbation, when a man learns to stimulate himself by using his hands very quickly, or finds a method of self-stimulation which puts far more pressure on his penis than it will ever experience during sex. This means that there is simply not enough pressure on his penis to get him to the point of ejaculation during sexual intercourse - the pressures and sensations of intercourse do not provide enough stimulation to his penis. By increasing the erotic quality of foreplay, for example by prolonging foreplay with those activities you find most arousing, you can wait until a man's practically on the edge of his orgasm before he inserts his penis into your vagina. This may be enough to allow him to ejaculate in your vagina, though if it doesn’t help, he may have anxiety which is preventing his ejaculatory reflex from taking over. Tell him there is a remedy, which you can jointly try over a period of weeks. The full details of how to treat delayed ejaculation are on this website. [
Treatment of delayed ejaculation; the way to cure retarded ejaculation
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