Delayed Ejaculation |
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Treatment of Delayed Ejaculation (Retarded Ejaculation)Delayed ejaculation is the least understood of all male sexual problems. Why is this? First because a lot of people ("sufferers" and therapists alike) think the problem of delayed ejaculation is not very common, and second because those who do work with the problem often say that it's difficult to cure - although neither statement is true! To go straight to the treatment method for delayed ejaculation, follow this link. Admittedly there has been very little research on the problem of delayed ejaculation, and the literature contains almost no accounts of scientific trials on ways to deal with it. What emerges when you talk to the therapists who deal with retarded ejaculation is a body of opinion which offers a good way forward, since although anecdotal in nature, these are accounts of proven cures on men who had previously been unable to ejaculate during sex. What is delayed ejaculation?Unfortunately, there is no formal research into the characteristics of men with this condition - such as, do they have normal erections, do they have normal sex drive, and so on.....but again, it hardly seems necessary, for when you talk to men who cannot ejaculate during sex, a very clear picture of both the causes and effects of delayed ejaculation (also known as retarded ejaculation and male anorgasmia) soon emerges. The failure of, or delay in reaching, orgasm in men has been called male orgasmic disorder. But although ejaculation and orgasm usually occur at the same time, they are in fact separate events: orgasm and ejaculation are controlled by different neural circuits and different brain systems. The problem is that it isn't even clear if a man suffering from delayed ejaculation is experiencing a failure of orgasm or a failure of ejaculation, though the likelihood is that he is not reaching orgasm, rather than that he is reaching orgasm and failing to ejaculate. In fact, that seems fairly clear. So we can define male orgasmic disorder as recurrent or persistent absence of, or delay in, orgasm following sexual excitement during sexual activity which would normally be enough to produce orgasm. How that judgment is to be achieved is an awkward question, since sexual arousal is so different between different men. Another important question is whether or not there is a distinction between complete failure of orgasm and ejaculation, and a long delay in reaching orgasm and ejaculation. These might be two different conditions. However, we can certainly use the expression "delayed ejaculation" because it offers a counterpoint to the well-known condition of premature ejaculation - which leads us neatly to a definition of delayed ejaculation: "A sexual problem where a man finds it difficult or impossible to ejaculate despite the presence of adequate sexual stimulation, erection, and conscious desire to achieve orgasm." What are the symptoms of delayed ejaculation?Most men want to come during sex. That's obvious, and it's also obvious that many men come far too quickly for their liking - or that of their partner. So when a man cannot come at all, there is some kind of involuntary inhibition of the orgasmic reflex at work. Delayed ejaculation may be lifelong (less common) or acquired later in life (much more common). Strangely, it can be something a man experiences with just one partner, or it can affect every sexual encounter he engages in.....and, even more strangely, it affects some men when they masturbate, in that they cannot reach orgasm. The basic key to understanding delayed ejaculation is this: the erotic sexual energy which moves from arousal all the way through to sexual orgasm is inhibited or blocked in some men, so that they cannot translate the desire for sex into an orgasm and ejaculation. This has been called coital anorgasmia.Since a man may have an orgasm through masturbation or oral sex but not through sexual intercourse, it's clear that delayed ejaculation can take several forms. First of all, some men can only come through masturbation and non-coital stimulation. Second, some men can only reach orgasm with masturbation. Third, some men may ejaculate after prolonged and intensive penile thrusting during sex. Fourth, some men can get to the verge of orgasm but can't make it to ejaculation. Fifth, some men think they will never get to orgasm during intercourse. In all these men, there is no problem getting an erection and sexual desire seems normal.....it is a failure of the orgasmic or ejaculatory reflex that is the problem. Treatment of Delayed EjaculationSo we have mild forms of delayed ejaculation and we have severe forms. Sometimes men can have an orgasm and ejaculate while their penis is in the vagina, sometimes they cannot. Sometimes they can come with the help of their partner, sometimes they can only come when they are self-stimulating. In some cases, a man has never been able to ejaculate at all. There are no benefits to delayed ejaculation - not even the fact that the man is able to thrust for ages during sex, supposedly giving his partner enormous pleasure from prolonged vaginal stimulation. This is a myth - most women get bored and sore long before they get sexual pleasure from their man's failure to ejaculate. Indeed, the assumption that long-lasting erections and intercourse which do not lead to sexual pleasure for the man represent a bonus for the woman has been said to be based on the fact that men value performance over pleasure when it comes to sex. The reality is very different: even when the man can ejaculate after a long time thrusting, and it may require both extreme force and stimulation from vigorous thrusts for him to do so, the experience is usually seen as negative by both partners. There is, for example, little room for intimacy, and the act of lovemaking becomes a chore rather than a pleasure. One hears the expression "hard work" time and again in relation to delayed ejaculation, with few references to pleasure. In general, the man stops thrusting after a while because his erection fails him, and the woman loses interest because she is sore or has lost natural lubrication. A lot of women think they are somehow responsible for their partner's delayed or missing orgasm and ejaculation. Other women are disappointed that there is no opportunity to share an orgasm. Often, they sense that the man with delayed orgasm, or retarded ejaculation, is excessively in control of his sexual arousal and responses, and that this is somehow a reflection on their own capability as sexual partners - not to mention the effect it has on their ability to relax and let go into the sexual experience (and hence their enjoyment of sex). In some cases, a man with delayed orgasm during intercourse will refuse to allow his partner to stimulate him orally or by hand, or he will allow it but fail to reach orgasm, and this feels like a rejection and a direct statement that the woman is not needed by her partner. And most of all, as you might expect, the fact that the man cannot ejaculate can make both partners lose interest in sex, and this places strain on the foundations of the whole relationship. It's no surprise that most men with delayed ejaculation feel unhappy and anxious about the problem, especially if it happens from the first time they have sex onwards. The whole situation can become a major concern bordering on an obsession, with considerable fear and anxiety about the partner's likely reaction. Sex becomes less and less pleasurable, sex becomes a burden, undertaken to please the partner and offer some sense of self-worth, and eventually men may begin to fake orgasm or develop erectile dysfunction, feelings of sexual aversion, and disgust. [
Treatment of delayed ejaculation; the way to cure
retarded ejaculation ]
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