Understanding Delayed Ejaculation |
|
Delayed ejaculation (DE) and the now less commonly used term retarded ejaculation (RE) refer to the condition in which a man can't ejaculate during sex inside his partner's vagina. (In the past, you might have heard this condition called ejaculatory incompetence.) Very often, a man who cannot ejaculate during lovemaking is able to ejaculate during masturbation, either solo masturbation or mutual masturbation. But when a man's delayed ejaculation means he can't ejaculate inside his partner, it causes distress, stress anxiety and loss of sexual confidence and self-esteem - it can also damage relationships, in particular where children are desired. Stopping it is essential for a couple to have a normal sex life. How common is retarded ejaculation?Well, much more common than is commonly thought - that's for sure. I estimate about one man in twelve suffers from the stress of not being able to stop delayed ejaculation at any one time. It isn't as common as premature ejaculation, though, which affects almost three fourths of all men. Delayed ejaculation can be stopped - it is the man's intention which is more important than anything else in determining the success or otherwise of treatment for delayed ejaculation. I don't accept that little is known about the condition, and I wish the medical profession would stop being so negative about it - even to the extent of saying that there is little literature on the subject. This is not true - and the two authors who have received much of the attention of the public - Masters and Johnson, and Helen Kaplan - don't really have an approach to treatment of delayed ejaculation which is especially useful, at least in the sense that it isn't very practical for use at home on a self-help basis. Psychological causes of retarded ejaculationDelayed ejaculation is mostly caused by psychological factors, including a strictly controlled upbringing, and other factors which cause a man to develop a very controlling personality. Many men with delayed ejaculation have huge amounts of energy and rather controlling personalities. Very often this control is directed inward and they give themselves extremely high standards to live up to both generally and during sex. Other causes of delayed ejaculation include fear of pregnancy, vaginal aversion, sexual taboos instilled in childhood, and anger at or hatred directed at women, conscious or otherwise. There are, however, some cases where delayed ejaculation is more of a physical problem; for example, rather a lot of men stop ejaculating quickly as they get older and find that they can last a lot longer during sex: indeed, they may find that they stop getting as many orgasms as they have in the past, that their ejaculation stops being so fast and is now delayed. The majority of men ejaculate between 2 and 4 minutes after they start thrusting during sexual intercourse. Men who have delayed ejaculation may be unable to ejaculate - especially during intercourse - or they may only be able to ejaculate semen with huge effort and very prolonged intercourse (for example 45 minutes or more). Common psychological causes for retarded or delayed ejaculation include:
Other causes of retarded ejaculationThere are certainly a number of medications which can affect a man's ability to ejaculate - these include several mood altering drugs and anti-acid preparations like ranitidine. It's also been said that excess consumption of alcohol can also result in delayed ejaculation. Needless to say, serious spinal injuries can cause ejaculatory problems.
Effects of delayed ejaculationWhy does not being able to ejaculate cause problems? If you are a man who ejaculates too quickly, you may feel that delayed ejaculation would be a godsend. However, the benefits of delayed ejaculation (being able to thrust for an hour or more, and possibly give a woman a vaginal orgasm) are far outweighed by the drawbacks: not being able to father children, not being able to bring the sex act to a natural close and feel the intimacy of ejaculating in your partner's vagina, not giving a woman the pleasure of feeling responsible for the ultimate male release, not to mention doubting her own attractiveness, and leaving her sore and frustrated. (The man's penis can become very sore as well.) Signs and SymptomsStimulation of the penis with a high frequency vibrator can show if a physical problem such as nerve damage lies behind the delayed ejaculation. If a man has never ejaculated in any way, including nocturnal emission, masturbation, or sexual intercourse, a doctor should be asked to conduct a complete check up. If a man is able to ejaculate with some form of sexual stimulation, the correct treatment approach is to use some kind of therapy, which will include both sexual partners. The process consist of educating and informing the partners about how sex expresses itself in relationship, how communication is essential for the two partners to establish expectations and boundaries, and how good communication can help the partners establish what they want from each other in the way of arousing sexual stimulation. The treatment approach on this website uses homework assignments involving sexual activities designed to reduce performance anxiety, pressure to perform and a renewed focus on sexual pleasure. Sexual intercourse is forbidden for an initial period, which allows the couple to enhance their enjoyment of arousal and ejaculation through other types of sexual stimulation. If the couple have relationship issues, or they have inhibited sexual desire, sexual therapy may be needed. Establishing intimacy is very necessary for successful treatment. Hypnosis may be helpful; it allows deeper relaxation and permits the man to address issues in his subconscious. Expectations (prognosis) of treatment for stopping delayed or retarded ejaculationThe better your sex life, the more likely you are to overcome delayed ejaculation. The same is true if you have only had the problem for a while, have strong sexual desire, love your partner, are highly motivated to stop it, and there are no other serious psychological problems. Complications include marital stress, relationship disharmony, sexual dissatisfaction, decreased or inhibited sexual desire, and a complete avoidance of sexual contact in the worst cases. Treatment of delayed ejaculationPsychologically healthy attitudes toward male and female sexuality and all of your own body, including the sexual organs, are important. You must understand that you cannot will your desired sexual response: the harder you try, the more difficult it may become. To minimize the psychological pressure, you can immerse yourself completely in the pleasure of the "now", and not worry about ejaculating. Your partner can assist by creating a relaxed atmosphere, where acceptance of what is happening and acceptance of you and everything about you (including your sexual issues) is key: open discussion of fears around pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease (if relevant) is also helpful.
[ Delayed ejaculation treatment ]
|