Are You a Man Unable to Ejaculate During Sex?
Or Maybe You're a Woman and Your Boyfriend Can't Ejaculate When Making Love?
Are You a Man Who Can't Come During Sex or Intercourse?
Well, You CAN STOP This Problem Right Now!
As you may know, it's called delayed ejaculation.
And whether you have difficulty reaching orgasm in all sexual activities or just with a partner, delayed ejaculation can put incredible strain on your relationship and make you feel like a loser in bed. But the great news is, no man needs to suffer this problem a moment longer, since it is easily curable - quickly, simply and cheaply!
Sign up to the treatment program on this website, and you'll get access to all the latest tools and techniques which will help you to ejaculate quickly and easily during sex.
You'll soon find the length of time for which you thrust before you reach the point of ejaculation gets shorter and shorter, until you can ejaculate at will whenever you choose.
You owe it to yourself and your partner to become the lover you can be, one with complete ejaculatory control who can take his partner to the highest realms of sexual pleasure!
The Psychological Causes Of Delayed Ejaculation
The most common causes of delayed ejaculation
are psychological, and some likely candidates include depression, anxiety,
and fear of getting the partner pregnant. Other possible psychological
factors include traumatic sexual encounters during childhood such as
abuse, rape or incest, and even the possibility of having been brought up
in a household where sex was taboo.
Obviously any intervention aimed at curing DE has to address not only the historical aspects of the condition but also the current factors that may be responsible for a man's inability to come during sex. Most men with delayed ejaculation also seem to have a low sexual self-esteem. Although this particular sexual problem usually occurs during partner sex, it can happen during masturbation as well! If it occurs during masturbation, it's more likely to be about the man's body than any feelings associated with his partner.
DE may be part of a complex of sexual malfunctioning that can range across erectile dysfunction, ejaculation problems such as premature ejaculation or retrograde ejaculation, and low sexual desire. It occurs in men of all races and sexual orientations. It may develop around puberty or it may start later in life.
Among the current known factors that may cause delayed ejaculation we can include the following:
Sexual performance anxiety
This would be addressed by cognitive behavioral interventions aimed at reducing a man's overall level of anxiety; in addition there would also be merit in providing sexual education and information to overcome any inhibitions due to a lack of knowledge or misinformation; it's also helpful to use guided imagery in conjunction with some kind of sensate focusing technique to increase a man's confidence about his ability to complete the sexual act satisfactorily.
Very often DE is the product of relationship issues; in such cases, some kind of sexual psychotherapy is indicated.
When stress is the result of factors other than those mentioned above, some kind of therapeutic intervention appropriate to the situation can both reduce anxiety and increase self-confidence.
These are the things that are much more under the control of the patient than the therapist: they include, for example, a lack of privacy in which to enjoy intimate relations, lack of warmth, the presence of children, and so on.
Past sexual experiences which have led to negative beliefs or attitudes about sex (such as childhood sexual trauma, adult sexual trauma, or any other event which has led an individual to conclude that sex is a sin, or childhood programming that that his/her genitals are a source of shame, disgusting or dirty).
Psychodynamic psychotherapy aimed at uncovering the original trauma behind delayed ejaculation can reduce current anxiety and guilt and provide a balance to misinformation which may be inhibiting adult sexual performance.
It has been suggested that psychodynamic therapy is more appropriate when the trauma lies in the distant past, and relationship counseling is more appropriate where DE appears to be the product of the interaction between two individuals within a relationship.
Unfortunately, little is known about the natural progression of DE when it is not treated, although one can speculate that situational and acquired forms of the condition may resolve more easily than generalized and lifelong types.
Finally, it's worth mentioning that since the intensity of a man's ejaculation is directly related to the volume of semen that he produces, a reduction in the volume of ejaculate will result in a reduction in sexual pleasure. The significance of this observation is that ejaculation volume decreases with age, since it is testosterone dependent and plasma testosterone levels also fall as a man ages. Older men are therefore likely to experience less sexual pleasure than younger men at the moment of orgasm.
Understanding orgasm and ejaculation
What we call an orgasm is a peak human emotional and physical experience, whereas ejaculation, no matter how pleasant it may feel, is simply an unconscious reflex that is generated by the prolonged stimulation of nerves in the genital region. Some men have been able to recognize the individual elements of the two processes, enabling them to experience multiple orgasms without the occurrence of ejaculation. Together the two events make up the experience we call sexual climax.
After a man has enjoyed an ejaculation, a period of time called the refractory period is required before he can ejaculate again. The same is not true of orgasms.
The sensations of orgasm differ between individuals, and over time one person's orgasms are certainly not all the same...that much each of us knows form our own experience! But all orgasms include rhythmic body and pelvic contractions, a higher heart rate, increased muscle tension and a final phase of release of tension.
Our sexual responses are controlled by both
the sympathetic and the parasympathetic nervous systems. The sympathetic
nervous system causes action whereas the parasympathetic system causes
recovery and relaxation. In order for a penis to become erect, its smooth
muscle fibers are relaxed and allow blood to flow into the penis. This
process is mediated by an intricate system of humoral, neurological and
circulatory events controlled by the
parasympathetic nervous system.
Orgasm and the associated ejaculation, and the consequent relaxation and
release of sexual arousal, are mostly controlled by the sympathetic nervous
The cause of delayed ejaculation may be physical, but is more often psychological.
The physical causes include hormonal problems such as hypogonadism, hyperthyroidism, hypothyroidism, and excessive production of the hormone prolactin. Other physical causes include some drugs, including drugs to treat high blood pressure, and antidepressants.
Physical Causes of Delayed Ejaculation
Having said all of that, it is certainly true that we should not overlook the physiological conditions which are capable of inhibiting a man's orgasmic response.
Endocrinologists report that excessive prolactin levels can interfere with orgasm, so that the presence of a pituitary disorder may need to be considered. Similarly, neurological diseases, especially those which have an impact on the peripheral sensory nervous system, or which affect the functioning of the sympathetic nervous system, or any injury to the spinal-cord, can certainly affect a man's ability to ejaculate. It's actually possible for man to lose the ability to reach orgasm and ejaculate even though he can maintain erectile function.
The ejaculatory reflex appears to be more sensitive to disruptions that the erection reflex. Inhibition of orgasm and ejaculation can also be observed after surgery in some areas of the abdomen including procedures such as abdominoperitoneal or anterior resection of the rectum, sympathectomy, retroperitoneal lymphadenectomy, aortoiliac reconstruction, and surgery for bladder cancer. The common operation for benign prostate enlargement -- transurethral prostatectomy -- produces a slightly different condition known as retrograde ejaculation although orgasm itself proceeds normally.
It is also known that any drug which has a sedating effect or inhibits sympathetic arousal, or raises serotonin levels in the brain, may markedly inhibit or even totally prevent male climax. Interestingly enough, these agents include alcohol antidepressants, antihypertensives, antipsychotic, and antianxiety medications.
In particular, men with low sex drive may require investigation of hormonal levels as well as potential problems with their sexual response cycle. This is especially true of men over the age of 50 who may be experiencing the male andropause, or declining testosterone levels with associated symptoms. In other cases, the best treatment for delayed ejaculation is effective psychotherapy and counseling, involving both sexual psychotherapy and relationship therapy if this is necessary.
The Inability To Ejaculate During Sex Is Something That Can Be Cured
No matter what the cause of a man being unable to ejaculate during sex, the ultimate goal of any treatment is to enable a man to reach climax normally during intercourse - and preferably enjoy the sex that leads up that point!
The treatment usually aims to encourage the man to relax his high level of self-control and increase the level of sexual stimulation which he is receiving so that he can become more sexually aroused. Obviously if the cause of your delayed ejaculation (also known as retarded ejaculation or DE for short) is the fact that you aren't aroused enough during sex, then anything that helps you become more aroused will help you reach a level of arousal sufficient to ejaculate during sexual intercourse.
The longest established treatment for DE assumes that a man can work on his existing level of arousal, building on it by using techniques to increase his sexual arousal and desire. In essence, it's about finding ways to stimulate the man - with sexual fantasies and in the physical world - that work for him.
This might include exercises designed to sexually arouse him by touching his partner, both sexually and non-sexually; exercises to help him relinquish his need for control; and techniques to desensitize him from whatever has become his accustomed method of gaining arousal.
But all of this is based on what works for a man right now. If he can only ejaculate when his partner is, say, in another room, then that has to be the starting point for his progression towards normal sex - i.e. sex with easily achieved ejaculation. The next step might be to have his partner in the room, but some distance away from the man as he stimulates himself. A series of additional steps is then put in place so that they end with the man reaching orgasm in the close presence of his partner, perhaps using the method where he is stimulated to near orgasm before he inserts his penis into her vagina to experience his ejaculation inside her.
All of this takes place in what are thought of by the man concerned as ideal conditions for the exercises. He needs to be selfish as he goes through this process of retraining his sexual responses to cure delayed ejaculation. He needs to be able to "take" sexually without being over-concerned about giving to his partner, and he must only undertake intercourse when he is aroused enough. The mere presence of his erection is not a sign that he is aroused enough!
It's also helpful for a man to work through any feelings of guilt, hostility or anger towards his partner before he attempts a cure for his DE. Reframing can be an important part of the treatment program. This means that the man comes to acknowledge his lack of desire (for his partner, for intercourse) and lack of arousal.
Many men with such difficulties often think they should be more "giving", but in reality it is probably the case that he is unable to take, has difficulty in meeting his own needs, and any treatment should work in encouraging the man to be more selfish during sex, to be more demanding, to ask for more stimulation of the right kind that will enable him to become more aroused, and to seek out his own pleasure.
If a man can check his own sexual arousal he may understand that it is not high enough - even if he has a good erection - to allow him to ejaculate during sex. Many partners take their man's ejaculatory unresponsiveness as rejection; if she can come to see that he is trying "too hard" to have an orgasm for his partner, she is likely to be more tolerant and less demanding.
There is much more information on the subject of idiosyncratic masturbation here.
Psychological therapies for delayed ejaculation
Sex therapy experts suggest relaxation combined with psychotherapy. Others suggest viewing porn films, reading sexually stimulating material or training in masturbation. To this list we would add our suggestion of using Tantric sex therapists. All of these methods are intended to increase arousal so that a man finds it easier to approach the point of ejaculatory inevitability.
If inadequate stimulation is the "block" to reaching climax, then in theory vigorous stimulation using plenty of lube might be expected to produce an improvement in a man's orgasmic capacity. And if a man can learn to ejaculate near the vagina, he can gradually get his penis nearer and nearer at the point of emission until he is able to ejaculate intravaginally.
Other therapies which have been suggested include varying the sexual positions in which a couple make love to provide maximal stimulation for the man, or the use of vibrators to add extra stimulation to prescribed masturbatory exercises. Also, a therapist may be helpful in reducing a man's inhibitory fears - which may include fears of pregnancy, fear of commitment or other psychodynamic motivations (castration anxiety, fear of the vagina, vaginal revulsion) - all things which may impact on a man's ability to relax and "let go" during sexual intercourse.
We believe hypnosis is a useful addition to any kind of therapy; but alone it is not enough, and psychotherapy for both partners is often helpful. But, fundamentally, if a man suffers excessive guilt and shame around sex, then psychotherapy of some kind will be need to ensure a liberated attitude to sex, with all its messiness, bodily fluids, and intimate transactions.
Sexual healing is something which can be achieved in many ways, but the use of a good sex therapist is high on the list of desirable approaches to this condition. Surrogate sex partners and Tantric therapists are very useful: they are non-judgmental, accepting, and skilled in promoting a relaxed attitude to sex. Indeed, sex-play as a treatment for retarded ejaculation has been described both anecdotally and in a small cohort. Some authors suggest the use of tantric sex home assignments to increase pleasure in couples with sexual problems. These methods draw from Hindu and Buddhist tantric traditions which reflect some Asian approaches to sexuality.